Random thoughts about mistakes and Christianity

You know, I am not perfect, I'm human. I make mistakes. I make huge ones. I can do nothing more than apologize and learn from the huge mistakes I make. I don't know if that is always enough sometimes, but it's the best I can do. I'm only human. Just because I am a Christian does not make me immune to sin. It does not make me perfect. It does put me in a difficult place. People assume that because I am a Christian I must be perfect. I am not allowed to screw up or make mistakes. I know I am held to a higer standard than most because of my beliefs. Maybe not by everyone, but by most people. I know that comes with the territory. But, I am still a human being, full of sin and fleshy ways. It's just as much of a struggle for me as it is for any non-Christian. I'm not a perfect person, I have never claimed to be. I am sinfull, I am pridefull, I gossip, I do all the things "good Christians" should not do. I dissapoint people and hurt them with my words and actions. It doesn't matter if it's done intentionally or not, it's still hurt. I act before I think. I don't always keep my mouth shut when I should. I let anger and pride take over sometimes. I am selfish. I can be mean. Sarcasim is my worst enemy and sometimes my best friend. I make wrong choices every day. I will probably make wrong choices every day for the rest of my life. I can only do the best I can do. Of course, my best is only as good as I let it be. If I try to handle it all myself, I might as well just start digging my hole. That's where my faith and my beliefs come in. I know that no matter how much I screw up, God is there to forgive me. I am not saying this makes every bad thing I have done all better. I'm not saying that everyone I have hurt should forgive me. I have done unforgivable things. I will lose and have lost friendships over stupid choices I made. That's all my fault. I know that I am responsible for the situations I have put myself in. I can't put the blame on anyone else. I'm not saying that those things are forgotten because I am a Christian and turn to God for forgivness. Those things will always be with me and those they have affected. I can't change that. I can only move forward and learn from those situations. Some lessons are harder than others, but they are all lessons. I do know that God forgives , and sometimes that's all you have. I don't expect to be forgiven by everyone I have hurt. It is not going to happen. I know that the reprecussions will follow me and that others will judge me on what they have heard and what I have done. I can't change that. That's part of life. However, I can only apologize so much. I can only dwell on it so long. I can only re-live it so many times. I have to use it as a life lesson and move on. I'm not saying that the moving on is happy thing, it's just necessary. I know that in Christ all is forgotten and forgiven. I know that through mistakes and trials, whether they are of my own doing or not, I can and will learn and make better choices. I am a work in progress, just like everyone else.