12 March 2008

Busy Day

Today was super busy for us. We had Griffin's homeschool zoo class, so I had to drive Dave to work so I could have the car. Ah the joys of being a single car household. :) So, my day started at 5:45. I woke David and Lucas up and had Lucas get dressed and got him breakfast. Then it was off to drive Dave to work. I got home, made Lucas' lunch, made sure his teeth and hair were brushed, and sent him off to school.

Next was David's turn. Now being that David is 16, he doesn't need much help from his mother, other than the occasional "isn't it almost time for you to leave?".

Then it was Griffin's turn. As soon as I reminded him it was zoo class day, he was up and getting dressed. I also reminded him that we were actually going into the zoo and having a picnic lunch with another little boy from his zoo class (and his mom, the most important part. LOL)

While Griffin was eating breakfast, I placed an online order for somethings we needed. However, as I pushed "process order" I realized the shipping address was our England address. Oops. So, i looked all over the website for a way to cancel the order, didn't find one. I tried the "live chat" with customer service and I kept getting "all available customer service representatives are busy at this time". Exactly what were all of them doing anyway?!?! I did get a hold of them by phone, eventually. The shipping address was changed and disaster avoided.

A little later than I would have liked, Griffin and I left for the zoo. They learned about food chains and food webs. They talked about carnivores, omnivores, and herbavores. It was pretty neat and Griffin had a great time, as usual.

After the zoo class, we went into the zoo. We walked around a bit, then stopped and ate lunch. Then we looked around the rest of the zoo. We spent quite a lot of time and saw everything there was to see. :)

After the zoo, we went to the park nearby. Griffin and the other little boy played, while the mom's talked. It was nice talking with another homeschool mom. It was a great day.

Depression.....

I suffer from clinical depression. I've taken meds for it in the past. I'm not taking them right now. I'll be taking them again starting tomorrow.

I figured after 6+ months of feeling like I do, it was time to get back on them. I know that there are a lot of people out there that think that taking antidepressants is something to be ashamed of. I find that a lot, actually. So much so that I normally don't share much. I just don't need the extra stress of some well meaning person telling me how I just need to suck it up, or pray more, or give it over to God, or whatever miracle cure they have for depression. I understand they are just trying to help, but if you don't suffer from depression, you just don't get it. You just don't.


Now, just to set the record straight, I'm not suicidal or homicidal. I don't think about hurting myself or anyone else. I just feel crap, unmotivated, tired, stressed, defeated, like a failure. Every day that I wake up feeling that way, I feel more like a failure. That makes me feel defeated, stressed, tired, unmotivated, crap. It's a never ending cycle. Little things become huge deals for me. Just day to day things become overwhelming. Getting dressed every day becomes a struggle. Getting a shower on a regular basis is a huge chore. Caring for my family is just not something I can do easily anymore. It really does suck. It majorly sucks. Really bad.


Like I said, if you haven't been there you just might not get it. That's fine, you don't have to get it. You don't have to understand. You don't have to have answers for me, or any other person you know that suffers from depression. You can't fix me, or them. Our problems probably have nothing to do with you. I am sure we can't tell you exactly what our issues are and how to fix them. I know that I can't pin point the exact cause of my depression. It's a lot of things and nothing at the same time. If I knew what it was, I would take care of it. Believe me, I would love to be able to fix it and I am sure that everyone who suffers would love to take care of it that easily. It's just not gonna happen. That doesn't make me stupid, weak, lazy, selfish, or not as "religious" as you. It doesn't make me less of a mother, sister, wife, friend, or Christian than you. It just makes me a human being with issues, just like you. :)

I think I have reached a decision

I *think* I have finally decided what I want to be when I grow up. Now, I understand that I am 34 and that most people my age are already "grown up". Now you readers need to understand that your age has nothing to do with being "grown up". Ask anyone I know and they'll tell ya. :)

I am going to go to school to be a nurse. It was a toss up between nursing and teaching, and nursing won. I'll be starting school this fall. If Griffin is still at home doing the homeschooling thing, I'll take night classes. If he's back in school, I'll take day classes. That'll make 4 students in our family of 5. That's a lot of students. :) I am really excited about getting back to school. It is something I have put on hold to be at home with my kiddos. Of course, my kids (and my husband) will always come first. Now that they will all be in school full time and we are living in an area with colleges and universities everywhere, the timing is perfect.

The only issue is the moolah. If the Air Force would get off their duffs and let dependents use the GI bill, all my problems will be solved. I really don't understand how all the other branches of the military have approved letting dependents use the GI bill, but the Air Force still hasn't. It just boggles my mind. :)

Anyway, nursing here I come. :)