Thinking...

I have been thinking quite a bit the past couple of months about things I miss. The big one? Babies. I miss babies. Having a baby around the house, the smell of babies, tiny clothes, sweet sounds, nursing, even poppy diapers, sleep less nights and the tons of stuff you are forced to lug around with them. We are done having babies. We decided years ago we were done. It was a joint decision and it made sense. But, that doesn't mean I can't miss them, right? I know I am driving my husband nuts with the baby thing. Making him second guess our choices, wonder if we made the right ones. Of course we did. All the reasons we had then still make sense now. I think it's just that my "baby" is growing up. He started school this year. He's not so easy to snuggle with, he's starting to smell like "boy" and not so much like "baby". I tell my boys it's now their job to have babies. Not right this minute, now, but eventually.

Griffin was admiring my wedding ring the other day while he was sitting on my lap. I told him that one day he would find a woman he loved and she would love him. He would ask her to marry him and he could give her a pretty ring. Then they could have babies and she could stay home and take car of their babies like I do for my boys. He could go to work and take care of his family like Dave does for us. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes with a thoughtful look on his face and said " I don't want to do it that way". ROFLOL I asked him what way he wanted to do it, and he said he didn't know, but not that way. One day he will have babies. One day in the future, far from now. :) He will be a great father, just like his brothers will be. He will pick a wonderful woman of God, they will have babies and they will be blessed just like Dave and I have been.

Another thing I have been missing is homeschooling. I home schooled David for a few years and it was so much fun for everyone. It was stressful beyond anything I have ever experienced in my life. However, Lucas was undiagnosed ADHD and David was undiagnosed ADD, and Griffin was little. It was chaotic to say the least. Now, years later with David's ADD and Lucas' ADHD under control I know things would be different. With that being said, I would not pull David out of High School. He likes it and I don't think he would want to go back to being home schooled. However, Lucas and Griffin are a different story. I look at how my boys interact. They are great with each other. David has tremendous patience. Right now he is upstairs playing Nintendo with Griffin, who is 10 years younger than he is. He gets along so much better with them than most 15, almost 16, year old boys do with their younger siblings. I know that the bond they have has a lot to do with the fact that I home schooled him and they were together a lot.

Lucas and Griffin are not quite the same. They still get a long, but they fight a lot. It could be that they are closer in age. I don't know. I do know they don't spend as much time together not fighting as David spent with them when he was younger. They don't have as much experience in dealing with kids of varying ages. They aren't as patient with each other and with younger kids as David was with them. I think it's because they aren't exposed to as many kids of varying age, like David was. I think they are missing out.

My kids are getting a great education. Without the school system here we never would have known about Lucas' ADHD or David's ADD. Lucas probably would not have learned so much Spanish. He definitely would not have learned it as well if I was teaching it. There are some pluses to having them in the school here and I do not regret putting them in at all. However, I am a bit nervous about going back to the States. We don't know where we are going. We don't know what the schools are like. We don't know how well the kids are going to adjust to a new place. That is probably what is making me think so much. The changes we are facing this summer.

So, I will sit here and think some more and I will probably be thinking about different things tomorrow. :) Things like how we are going to ship the cats back. How much they are going to charge us to replace the carpet in this house? Where we are going? Are there any churches there that I will like? How far from family will we be? What's the weather going to be like? Is Dave going to be gone a lot? If he is, where is he going to be? See, I am never at a loss for things to worry about. LOL But, I know God has a plan and things will all work out for His glory. No amount of worrying or thinking will change that.