Depression.....

I suffer from clinical depression. I've taken meds for it in the past. I'm not taking them right now. I'll be taking them again starting tomorrow.

I figured after 6+ months of feeling like I do, it was time to get back on them. I know that there are a lot of people out there that think that taking antidepressants is something to be ashamed of. I find that a lot, actually. So much so that I normally don't share much. I just don't need the extra stress of some well meaning person telling me how I just need to suck it up, or pray more, or give it over to God, or whatever miracle cure they have for depression. I understand they are just trying to help, but if you don't suffer from depression, you just don't get it. You just don't.


Now, just to set the record straight, I'm not suicidal or homicidal. I don't think about hurting myself or anyone else. I just feel crap, unmotivated, tired, stressed, defeated, like a failure. Every day that I wake up feeling that way, I feel more like a failure. That makes me feel defeated, stressed, tired, unmotivated, crap. It's a never ending cycle. Little things become huge deals for me. Just day to day things become overwhelming. Getting dressed every day becomes a struggle. Getting a shower on a regular basis is a huge chore. Caring for my family is just not something I can do easily anymore. It really does suck. It majorly sucks. Really bad.


Like I said, if you haven't been there you just might not get it. That's fine, you don't have to get it. You don't have to understand. You don't have to have answers for me, or any other person you know that suffers from depression. You can't fix me, or them. Our problems probably have nothing to do with you. I am sure we can't tell you exactly what our issues are and how to fix them. I know that I can't pin point the exact cause of my depression. It's a lot of things and nothing at the same time. If I knew what it was, I would take care of it. Believe me, I would love to be able to fix it and I am sure that everyone who suffers would love to take care of it that easily. It's just not gonna happen. That doesn't make me stupid, weak, lazy, selfish, or not as "religious" as you. It doesn't make me less of a mother, sister, wife, friend, or Christian than you. It just makes me a human being with issues, just like you. :)